Once upon a time (last year), after I’d moved to yet another state (NY) and found a place to live in a tough market in a rather unreasonable amount of time (three weeks), someone who loves me very much called me “determined.” I translated that affirmation as “willful,” and I laughed as I thanked her for it. Willfulness […]
Why old dogs can learn new tricks
“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” is a proverb I learned in primary school along with other common English idioms. It never occurred to me at the time that the saying contradicted the also-common “You’re never too old to learn.” It turns out that even if the battle between “fixed mindsets” and “growth […]
Knowing you don’t know best
One of my notes from February’s bystander training sticks with me all these weeks later: Often your first intervention will not work. Try another.” The maxim suggests to me patience and persistence with experiment. Focusing on results and using outcomes to assess people or programs won’t always make room for that. It also implies the […]
Learning by accident
What was the last thing you learned by accident? Biocognition specialist Mario Martinez gives a few examples of incidental learning in his book The Mindbody Code. Children develop motor and strategic skills through a video game hobby. Adults build focus by way of tai chi practice. Daniel-san learns integrity, self-respect, and self-defense through car waxing and bonsai training. There […]
Expect error
My generation, the children of West Indian immigrants, didn’t learn to look kindly on imperfection, even when it was all we had. My mother’s mother trained perfectionism into her children by scrunching up inattentively ironed shirts and requiring the poor unfortunates to iron them again. My mother once punished me for not starting a summer […]
The kind of acceptance that makes change possible
The only possible way I could have had my unique set of experiences is by living my life as it is, and that means dying when I die.” —Max Edwards, March 19, 2016 Max Edwards was 16 years old when he died from terminal cancer. A week before his death, Edwards wrote about accepting his prognosis […]
